Mo odam nameshavem – Maqola az Aziz Nesin

 

Sadoi yak piramardi logari murdani az miyoni anbuhi jamiyat  hamhamai dokhili tolorro darham shikast: “Mo odam nameshavem!”  Bifosila digaron niz ba holati tasdiq: «albatta, komilan saheh ast,  durust ast, nameshavem” sarashonro takon dodand. Ammo dar in miyon  yake daromad va guft:

«In chi tavr harf zadan ast, oqo.shumo hamaro bo khudaton qiyos me-  kuned! CHi khub guftaand: “Kofar hamaro ba keshi khud pindorad”, khohish  mekunam, harfatonro pas bigired”.

Man, ki un vaqtho javone bistupanjsola budam, bo in yake hamsado  shudam va dar hole, ki khunam ba jush omada bud, bo etiroz guftam:

– Okhir hayo ham baroi odamizod khub chizest!

Piramardi musofir, ki hamon tarz az zuri asaboniyat dik-dik me-
larzid, dubora dod zad:

– Mo odam nameshavem!

Musofironi dokhili qator niz tasdiq karda, sarashonro takon do-  dand.

Hun ba saram david. Az asaboniyat rui poyam nabudam, dod zadam:

– …Mardi nohisobi! Aslan kallaat maraze girifta, okhir mekhoham  bidonam, aslan charo odam nameshavem. Hele khub ham odam meshavem…  musofiron dar qator ba holati etiroz ba man hamlavar shudand, ki:

– Nakhayr, mo odam nameshavem.insoniyat va marifat khele bo mo  fosila dorad.

Ham sadoi jamoat dokhili qator va dodu bedodi onho otashi pira-  mardro khomush kard, ba man guft:

– Bubin, pisarjon, mo hamaamon “odam nameshavem!” Dubora sado-  yashro kuluft kard: “meshavad ba jurat guft, ki hatto to okhiri umramon  ham odam nakhohem shud”.

Guftam:

– Zur, ki nest, mo odam meshavem.

Piramard tabassume kardu guft:

– Mo odam meshavem, vale holo odam nestem, in tavr nest?

Sadoyamro darovardam, ammo az on ruz ba in ruz solho ast, ki az  khudam mepursam: okhir charo odam nameshavem?…

Zindon raftani man dar in solho baroyam shonsi buzurge bud, ki  mano va mushkili chandinsolaamro hal kard va az rui in roz parda  bardosht. Dokhili tolori buzurgi zindon bo panjoh nafar zindonii  siyosii kishvari khudam, bo ashkhosi barjasta, sohiboni vazifahoi  muhim, shakhsiyathoi maruf va mashhur, az qabili: hukkom, ruasoi da-  voiri davlati, vakilon, mardoni siyosii kobinai sobiq, mamuro-  ni olirutbai muhandisi va dukturhoi mashhur oshno shudam. Aglab  onho az tahsilkardahoi mamlakati Avrupo va Amriko budand, aglab  kishvarhoi mutamaddin va mamoliki tavseayofta va khatto aqibmon-  daro niz az nazdik dida budand. Har yak chandin zaboni khoriji balad  budand. Majolibi bahs va intiqod pesh meomad va bo in ki bo onho  tanosubi fikri nadoshtam, khele chizhoro az eshon yod giriftam, az hama  muhimtar muvaffaq ba kashfi roz va manoi qadimii khud shudam.  Ruzhoi muloqoti zindoniho, ki khonavodaam ba didoram meomadand,
khub medonistam, ki khabari khushe baroyam nadorand, kiroyai manzilro  pardokht nakardaem, talabi baqqoli sari kucha ruz ba ruz ziyodtar meshud  va az in qabil harfho, khabarhoi nokhush va kasalkunanda.namedoni-  stam chi kor kunam, sardargum budam, umedam az hama jo qat shuda bud.  Bo khud guftam dostone menavisam. SHoyad yake az majallot kharidorash  boshad, bo in tasmim qalam ba dast giriftam, rui takhtikhobi zindon  nishastam. Aslan moil nabudam bo purharfi vaqtguzaroni kunam, bo  yovagui vaqtamro talaf kunam. Hanuz chand satre nanavishta budam, ki  yake az rufaqoi zindon jiluyam sabz shud, kanori takht nishast. Avvalin  kharfe, ki zad:

– Mo odam nameshavem…

Man bo sobiqae, ki doshtam chun mekhostam doston navisam az u na-  pursidam charo? Ammo u misli kase, ki muvazzaf ast baroi man tavzehe  bidihad, guft:

– Hub diqqat kuned, medoned charo odam nameshavem?

Va bad biduni onho ki boz man savole karda bosham, bo asaboniyat  shuru kard:

– Man tahsilkardai kishvari Suisam, shash sol dar Belgiya jon  kandam.

Hamzanjiri man shuru kard ba guftan va mojaroho va jarayonoti  davroni tahsil va kori khudro dar Suis va Belgiya bo sharhu basti tamom  tarif kardan. Man khele dilvopas budam, vale chorae nabud, nametavo-  nistam kharfe bizanam. Dar bayni suhbathoyash khudro bo kogaz sargarm  kardam. Qalamro rui kogaz guzoshtam, mekhostam ba u bifahmonam, ki  kori favri doram, shoyad dostonashro bar chand jumla khulosa kunad va  man az sharrash khalos shavam. Ammo ba hech vajh na mutavajjeh meshud,  na dastbardor bud. Agar ham fahmida bud, khudashro ba nodoni zada bud!

– On joho kasero namebini, ki dar dastash kitob naboshad. Agar  du daqiqa ham bekor boshand, kitobashonro vo mekunand va shuru ba  khondan mekunand. Dokhili avtobus, qatora, hama jo kitob mekhonand.  Holo fikr kuned dar khonaashon chi mekunand! Agar bubined az taajjub  shokh darmeored; har kas basta ba malumoti khudash kitobe dar dastash  girifta mekhonad, aslan on odamho az purharfi va yovagui gurezon  hastand.!

Guftam:

– Bah-bah, chi qadr khub, chi qadr oli…

– Guft: bale, tabiatashon in ast. Ba millati mo nazar kuned. Oyo  nafare malum meshavad, ki kitob bikhonad? Oqojon, mo odam name-  shavem, nameshavem.

Guftam:

– Komilan saheh ast.

To guftam “saheh ast”, dubora asaboni shud, boz ham az tarzi kitob  khondani belgiyagiho va suisiho suhbat kard. CHun mavqei gizo khurdan  nazdik bud, har du baland shudem, guft:

– Holo fahmidi, ki charo mo odam nameshavem.

Guftam: bale!

In mard nisfi ruzi maro bo tarif kardan az tarzi kitob khondani  belgiyagiho va suisiho talaf kard.

Gizoyamro tund-tund khurdamu bargashtam. Boz hamon dostonro shuru  kardam. Kogazu qalam ba dast omodai shurui doston budam, ki yake az  digar rufaqoi zindoni omad va rui takht nishast.

– Ba chi kor mashguli?

– Mekhoham doston navisam.

– Ey bobo! In jo nameshavad doston navisht. Bo in saru sado name-  shavad chize navisht. Magar in saru sadoro nameshunavi.shumo Avrupo  rafted?

– Poyamro az Turkiya berun naguzoshtaam.

– Oh, oh, oh, bechora. Hele mayl doram, ki shumo sare ba Avrupo bi-  zaned. Didanash vojib ast. Zindagii onho gayri zindagii most. Akhloqi  makhsus dorand. Man tamomi Avruporo zeri po guzoshtam. Joi narafta  boqi namonda ast. Pesh az hama jo Donmork, Holand va Suis budam.  Bubined, on joho chi tavr ast, mardum nisbat ba ham ba didai ehtirom  nigoh mekunand. Kasero bekhud, khatto bo kuchaktarin sadoe norohat na-  mekunand. Nigohe ham ba avzoi mo bikuned, in saru sadoho chist.in  tavr nest.shoyad man mayl doshta bosham bikhobam, yo chize binavisam,  yo chize bikhonam, yo in ki aslan kori digare doshta bosham.shumo bo in  saru sado magar metavoned doston binavised. Odamro ozod namegu-  zorand… Guftam:

– Man dar in saru sado ham metavonam chize navisam, vale vujudi  yak nafar kofist, ki havosamro pareshon kunad. Guft:

– Joni man, dar in saru sado nameshavad chiz navisht. Behtar nest  saru sado ham naboshad? CHi haq dorand shumoro norohat kunand? Me-  tavonand ohista ham suhbat kunand.

-Ba joni khudat dar Donmork, Suis va Holand chunin chize muhol ast.  Mardumi in mamlakat dar kamoli ozodi va khushi zindagi mekunand,  kase muzohimashon nest. CHun ki on joho mardum ba hamdigar ehtirom  meguzorand.

Dar ivaz dar in kharobshuda mo hamdigarro odam hisob namekunem.  Tasdiq mekuned, ki khele betarbiyatem, ammo chorae nest. U harf mezad  va man saramro poyin andokhta chashmamro ba kogaz dukhta budam, name-  navishtam. Vale misli odamhoe, ki mashguli navishtan boshad, khudamro  sargarm karda budam. Guft:

– Bekhud khudatonro khasta nakuned, nametavoned, nametavoned chize  binavised, harchi navishted pok kuned. Avrupo joi digare ast.avru-  poi-inson ba tamomi mani ast. Mardum hamdigarro dust dorand, ba  ham ehtirom meguzorand. Ammo dar ivaz mo chi tavr.ba in dalel, ki  oqo, mo odam nameshavem.

Hanuz mekhost rudadarozi bikunad, shons ovardam, sadoyash kardand,  az sharrash khalos shudam. To rafta bud, bo khud guftam:

Hudo kunad digar kase in jo naoyad. Saramro poyin andokhtam. Toza du  khat navishta budam, ki zindonii digare boloi saram nozil shud va guft:

– CHi tavr?

– Guftam zinda boshi, bad nestam.

Rui takht nishast va guft:

– Joni man, az insoniyat khele durem.

– Ey bechora.agar chand mohe Amriko mebudi illati aqibmondai  nafrinkardaro mefahmidi. Dar Amriko mardum misli mo behuda  vaqtashonro talaf namekunand, chartu part nameguyand, purharfi na-  mekunand, vaqtro tillo medodand.

Dar Amriko vaqte bo odam harf mezanand, ki voqean kore doshta  boshand, toza on ham du jumlai mukhtasari kutoh, har kas mashguli kori  khudash ast.Oyo mo ham hamin gunaem? Masalan vazi hamin joro bu-  bined mohhost mo gayr az purharfi va yovagui kori digare nadorem.  Harfhoe, ki dar quttii hech attori paydo nameshavad. In ast, ki Amriko  inqadar peshraft kardaast. Illati taraqqii ruzafruzashon ham hamin
ast.

Hech chi naguftam. Bo khud fikr kardam holo in oqo, ki in qadar az  sifoti khubi amrikoi harf mezanad, ki muzakhraf nameguyand, muzohimi  kase nameshavand, fahmidaast, ki man kor doram, poyashro kashidavu  rafta ast. Ammo u boshad maro ba osoni raho namekard.

Ufu puf kardam, aslan tahvil nagirift.

Mavqei shom shud, vaqte mekhost biravad, guft:

Joni man, mo odam shudani nestem, to in purharfiho va vaqtguza-  ronihoi bekhudi hastu mo odam nameshavem.

Guftam:

• Komilan durust ast…

Gizoyamro bo shitob khurdamu shuru ba navishtan kardam.

«-Behuda khudatro azob nadeh. Harchi zahmat bikashi foidae nado-  rad.”

In sado az boloi saram bud. To saramro bolo kardam, yake digare az  rafiqoni zindonro didam gushai takht nishasta va guft:

Hub rafiq chi korho mekuned?

Guftam: hech chiz.

Ammo javobi in jum-  lai man in bud, ki:

• Man taqriban ta- momi umram dar Olmon  budam.

Bugz guluyamro girif-  ta bud, kam monda bud, ki  az shiddati asaboniyat  dod zanam, medonistam  in muqaddima chi mu-  jizae ba dunbol dorad,  u boshad idoma medod:

-Donishgohi Olmon-  ro tamom kardaam, hatto  tahsiloti mutavassita-  amro ham on jo khondam,  solhoi sol on jo kor
kardam. SHumo dar Olmon kasero namebined, ki kor nakunad. Mo ham  hamin gunaem? Masalan vazi moro bubin, na, na, mo odam nameshavem,  az insoniyat khele durem…

Fahmidam har kore bikunam, nakhoham tavonist doston binavisam,  bekhud zahmat mekasham va ba khud fishor meovaram, kogazu qalamro  guzoshtam zamin, fikr kardam vaqte, ki zindoniho ba khob meravand,  shuru mekunam.

Oqoi tahsilkardai Olmon hanuz olmonihoro muarrifi mekard:

– Dar Olmon bekori ayb ast. Har ki mekhohad boshad, olmoniho hech  bekor namemonand. Agar bekor monand, baroi khudashon kore meta-  roshand, mudom zahmat mekashand. Tu dar in chand moh, ki in joy ba  haysi namuna kasero didai, ki kore bikunad? Hamin khudi tu to hol  dar zindon kore anjom dodai? Olmoniho in tavr nestand, roje ba  ahvoli khudashon chiz menavisand, kitob mekhonand. Ammo mo chi tavr?  Har chi bikunem partu balost, mo odam nameshavem.

Vaqte az sharrash khalos shudam, ki nimi shab bud. Mutmain budam,  ki digar kase namondaast, ki roje ba odam nashudani mo konfrons  bidihad, toza bo umedvori dostonro shuru karda budam, yake digar  nozil shud. Hazrati eshon ham solhoe dar Faronsa budaast, ba mahzi  vurud guft:

« – Oqo, muvozib boshed! Mardum khoband, bedor nashavand, muzohi-  mashon nashaved”, khele ohista suhbat mekard. In oqo, ki khele ham mu-  bodii obod bud va in nahvai tarbiyatro az faronsaviho yod girifta  bud, meguft:

– Faronsaviho mardumoni mubodii odob va boshakhsiyat hastand,  mavqei kor hech kas muzohimi u nameshavad.

Bo khud guftam, Hudo ba khayr kunad, man boyad imshab az nimai shab  ba un taraf kor kunam. Oqoi Faronsa rafta guft:

– Holo bikhobed, to fardo subh ozod kor kuned, faronsaviho beshtar  subhho kor mekunand, mo aslan vaqti kor kardanro ham balad nestem,  mavqei kor mekhobem va vaqti khob kor mekunem. In ast, ki aqibmonda-  em, illati in ki odam nameshavem, hamin ast. Mo odam shudani nestem.

Oqoi farangi mavqee az pahluyam raft, ki digar ramaqe dar man  namonda bud, chashmhoyam khud ba khud basta meshud. Hobidam.

Subh zud, qabl az in ki rufaqo bedor shavand, ba dostonnavisi

mashgul shudam. YAke az rufaqo dar hole, ki ob az saru suratash mechakid,  guft:

– Medoni, anglisiho voqean odamoni ajibe hastand. SHumo vaqte  dar London yo yagon shahri Ingliston savori qatora hasted, soatho mu-  sofironi hamkuchai shumo hatto yak kalima ham suhbat namekunand. Agar  mo boshem in chizho yodamon nameoyad, na adab, na nazokat, na tarbiyat,  khulosa az hama chiz mahrumem. Hamin tavr ast yo na? CHaro shumoro in  jo norohat mekunand. Hudi va begona, hamaro norohat mekunand. Digar  fikr namekunem, ki in bandai khudo kor dorad, giriftor ast, na khayr…  in ast, ki odam nameshavem va nakhohem shud…

Kogazro to kardam, qalamro ham zeri tushk guzoshtam. Az navishtani  doston chashm pushidam. Hulosa doston navishtan natavonistam, ammo  dar ivaz besh az chand doston chiz yod giriftam va illati in matlabro  fahmidam, ki:

CHaro mo odam nameshavem.

Holo har jo jilui man asaboni bishavad va biguyad:

• Mo odam nameshavem! Favran dastamro baland mekunam, dod me- zanam:
• Oqo, illat va sababi uro man medonam!

Tanho samarae, ki az zindoni okhir ba dast ovardam, darki in mat-  lab bud.

Tarjumai Ahmadi SHomlu.  Tahiyai Qurbonzoda Nasimbek